Not The Queen's English

Extracted from an article by Nury Vittachi:

[In a fast food restaurant]

Legend :
Ffs - Fast food server (Asian speaking in bare-bones English)
C - Customer (Monolingual English American)

Ffs : Harlowelcumkaneye L.pyoo?

C : What?

Ffs : Harlowelcumkaneye L.pyoo?

C : Er, yes, I'd like one cheeseburger, please.

Ffs : Dull Swiss wit Baygon?

C : Excuse me?

Ffs : Dull Swiss wit Baygon?

C : Oh, no, I don't want a double-Swiss with baygon, I mean bacon. I just want a normal cheeseburger.

Ffs : Humbugger wit jees. Setter Al Eckart?

C : Pardon me?

Ffs : Setter Al Eckart?

C : Ah, got it. A la carte, please.

Ffs : One-for-rice wee tat?

C : Oh, yes, please, I want fries with that.

Ffs : Smormy dyumludj?

C : I'm sorry, would you mind....?

Ffs : Smormy dyumludj. U juan smor, me dyum, ludj?

C : Medium.

Ffs : Wad rink u juan?

C : Fresh orange juice, please.

Ffs : Fray soringe ad too duller. Chippa u buy set.

C : Okay, gimme a set.

Ffs : Wit set u juan?

C : Cheeseburger.

Ffs : Dull Swiss wit Baygon set?

C : Excuse me?

Ffs : You juan dull Swiss wit Baygon set?

C : No. I don't want - actually, maybe I do want Baygon. At least it would kill my appetite.